Random-ness...

...random things to ponder? Yes, my mind is full of random-ness tonight. There are more than a few times a year that I am really focused and driven in one or two specific areas. On the flip side, there are many more times a year that I am not particularly focused or driven at all, but living my life in random-ness. My mind floats in various directions and wanders aimlessly about with no final destination in mind. I think about things...this problem, that situation, their circumstances, my emotions, his passions, our goals, my failures, our dreams, their futures, his pain, her...you get the drift, right??? I have total random-ness of thought. Wouldn't it be great if I could focus enough tonight to write about a single topic of spiritual interest or describe a recent family event in detail? But, tonight, all you get is random-ness. For instance, I have not felt very well the last couple of days - it always distracts me when I don't feel well. I have even noticed in my prayer life that I am often distracted - and until recently - I thought this was a failure on my part during prayer. But, I have discovered that it is very possible that my random distractions - thoughts that enter my mind during prayer - may actually be the Spirit's way of guiding me in prayer. When I am resolute in prayer - focused - trying to stay in tune with God, and then have a random thought enter that I used to think was solely from Satan himself to distract me - may actually be the Holy Spirit's guidance to refocus my prayer time. I have found now that those random thoughts I have - things I need to get done, people in my life, worries, distractions - are actually the things I need to be praying about at that particular time. They are the REAL concerns of my heart that are worthy of prayer - not the formalities that I pretend to be praying alot of the time. Yes, you read correctly - I struggle with prayer! I practice it almost continually, but again struggle with prayer. But, I believe so strongly in prayer that I don't give up. Other random thoughts passing through my aching head...

-halloween costumes for all three children are ordered and on their way;
-need to send my state occupational therapy license renewal in this week;
-I am grateful for getting to come home a little early from work today;
-looking forward to the Fall Festival of Marriage in Oct.;
-disappointed my diet is not going so well this week;
-potty training my almost 3 year old;
-need to get the boys Cub Scout manuals and uniforms bought;
-concern for my friend who just had surgery;
-feeling like I can't ever catch up, get everything done, be everything that everyone needs me to be;
-considering God's call to ministry for my husband and where this may or may not lead;
-laundry;

...just the tip of the iceberg I guess -
there is so much more underneath - below the surface of

a life lived to be real but in reality being so artificial

- only allowing folks to see what's above the water and not beneath...
I need to get real!