No words to express...

Tonight, as I sit in my home on my sofa next to my husband with my children around my feet, I have no grand words to express my thoughts - just simple words of gratitude, a heart of thankfulness, an overwhelming sense of God's active presence in my life, and a strong desire to move forward with intentionality. You see, we have had a hard week. We are o.k. - but it has been hard getting to an "o.k." place.

Mike has been planning all week to be away today...travelling with a local mission team in Haiti. Tonight, although he is here with me, I can tell that his heart is in Haiti. He went last year and it changed his life...he was involved in seeing the Lord change the lives of others. But, this year, for reasons we may never understand, he is here.

You see, about 2 weeks ago, he began not feeling well - weakness, fatigue, headaches, dizziness. Then last Sunday, he became ill during Sunday morning worship with excessive fatigue, hyperhydrosis, hypertension, and tachycardia. From there, he ended up seeing the doctor on Monday morning, having labs run and looking into it all. By Tuesday, he was feeling worse, and they hospitalized him - only overnight - to give him IV fluids and run further tests, including CT, stress test and MRI. We found out on Thursday night that there was a possibility that he may have a rare brain condition called Arnold-Chiari Type I malformation in his brain. WOW! That was interesting. We read up on it and readied ourselves for what might be to come. We had planned to tell our folks about the possibility on Sunday face-to-face rather than telling them on the phone and be looking into a neuro consult in the coming weeks.

On Saturday, mid-morning, things changed! Mike got worse. For some reason we may never understand, his dizziness got significantly worse, his headache worsened, his weakness worsened, he wanted to sleep almost continuously, he "looked" weak/bad, and had some various other symptoms. By 5 p.m., I had made some calls, and we were on our way to the E.R. I spoke with a talented, trusted family member, and we determined together that even if the diagnosis was wrong, given his escalation of symptoms and his initial MRI reading, it wasn't worth the risk. We had to check it out further rather than wait and worry that the worst could occur. Once we arrived at the ER, the doctor checked him, became very concerned quickly about his "neuro signs" and had him flown out to UK Medical Center. What a whirlwind. [Insert here that now I had to call our families quickly on the cell phone and deliver the news of the possibility and the ramifications - not at all the way we had planned it.] Our pastor came and stayed with Mike at the local hospital until they sent him off so I could get a head start on the two hour drive. The doctor would not let him lay flat - wanted him to keep his head elevated to relieve pressure - just in case.

He beat me to UK - actually his helicopter flew right over my car on the interstate - my heart missed a few beats, I am sure. This is not how I had anticipated spending Mother's Day weekend - neither had he. We wanted to be together - healthy and whole. We wanted to be with our niece during her darling baby dedication. We wanted to visit our mothers in their homes and take them gifts of gratitude. I wanted to be with my children. I wanted my husband to be o.k.

My precious extended family met him at the E.R. in Lexington and told me later that they were worried about him - his appearance as well as his symptoms when he arrived. When I arrived, about 45 minutes or so after Mike had landed in the chopper, he did seem to perk up somewhat, but the pain in his head was incessant. Several doctors came in - great doctors - so compassionate - preparing us for what potentially was to come...possible shunt placement. However, finally, at 2 a.m., the final neurosurgeon came in and before he even walked in the room, he said loudly, "You do not have a Chiari!" He proceeded to explain to us that Mike's MRI was not typical, but that the clinical signs and MRI didn't line up. His cerebellum was anatomically lower than the typical person, however was on the low end of normal and was not causing his symptomology. PRAISE GOD!

We then turned our conversation to the ongoing symptoms he was having at the time and he agreed that his hypertension needed to be addressed. WE CAN DO THAT! The doctor also stressed the importance of STRESS, REST, and managing our life better in regards to taking care of ourselves! WE CAN DO THAT! Finally, the surgeon said, "And, if your symptoms continue, here is the name of the local surgeon who does the Chiari surgeries so you will want to consult with him just in case." HUH???? We were a little confused at the last statement...we thought we were cleared to go and get on the right track...address the high BP and get healthy without giving this problem another thought. Now, I guess it is always going to be in the back of my mind.

However, I am so thankful. What a wonderful Mother's Day to be home - no surgery for hubby - and a plan in place to get him better. And, as my favorite doc said, "This is a big wake up call!"

Michael, I love you so much. I am sorry that you have had such a hard time lately. I know you are such a hard worker - absolutely selfless - always giving to everyone else, probably to the detriment of yourself. Thank you for being mine. I know you are so sad about missing the Haiti trip. But, God knows your heart - it's as pure as gold! And, I am thankful to know you and be able to share my life with you.

Together, we thank the many who prayed, called, emailed, left messages, checked-in, travelled down, reassured us, encouraged us, offered to help with our children, and kept my children. To G.R., you went above and beyond for us. We will never forget and we love you.